"Nobody wants to be alone" ... the Love in the Time of Internet

Throughout this week I've been talking to some friends about an issue that I promised to devote my blog this week: "Nobody wants to be alone" Or the Tertullian adaptation of Friday night: "Love in the Time of Internet " Loneliness is a little discussed concept in today's self-obsessed climate, where it is seen as a negative embarrassing condition. It is unique for every individual, and as such, it is difficult to define. There are other closely related concepts, for example, aloneness and solitude, that further complicate an already complex issue. Loneliness also has various causes and effects that can be one and the same, and so it can be confused with similar but different conditions, for example, depression and self-esteem. But, at the end of the day, if the word loneliness is mentioned in conversation, everybody will understand what it means to them, and how distressing an ordeal it can be. Everyone is lonely to some degree, no matter how much they pretend they are not: it is part of being human. Nursing literature looks at loneliness from a rather basic, superficial perspective, when discussing whether such a traumatic state of being can be solved, but this is not a solution as such. It is such an innate part of the human psyche, that it cannot be solved like a puzzle; it can only be alleviated and made less painful. This can only be achieved by increasing humankind's awareness of this distressing condition that everyone has to endure in some way, shape or form, sometime during their lives, about which there is nothing to be embarrassed. If non-lonely individuals could spare a smile or a word for people who might be perceived as being lonely, even if in doing so they selfishly think 'there but for the grace of God go I', such a small gesture might just make their day a little less of an or deal. If you find yourself laying in bed at night alone and feeling lonely and wishing that there was someone next to you, take comfort in the fact that most, if not all, single people feel that way at some time or another. It is not at all uncommon, but it can be a problem when it causes you to settle for the first man or woman that comes along in an effort to avoid feeling lonely. If loneliness avoidance is something that has motivated you to get into relationships in the past, it is important to recognize that this is absolutely not a healthy reason for being in relationship. If you choose to wait for Mr. or Ms. Right to come along instead, you will be getting into a relationship with the right person for the right reasons and then you won't have to feel lonely ever again. You will be with that person for a lifetime. If you don't wait and get into the first relationship that comes along, chances are it will not work out and you will continue to experience periods of loneliness until you learn this important lesson. Being single does not actually have to mean feeling lonely. Distract yourself from feeling lonely by making it a point to spend time with good friends, take up a new hobby, read the books you've been wanting to read for what seems like forever, watch whatever you want to watch on television whenever you want to watch it, schedule to spend quality time with your children and/or pets on a daily or weekly basis or... doing anything your heart desires while you're single and waiting for the love of your life to come along. We all know that once Mr. or Ms. Right comes along that we will do less of these things anyway as the time once spent occupying ourselves is now spent doing things with our significant other. And, many people find that they really enjoy being single as long as they keep busy with the things that are important to them. It is therefore important before sharing our life with another person firstly to learn to be alone. And when we want to stop we must realize that means really want to share our lives with another person. I like to recall the words of my grandmother saying, that when you meet that person, you may clear three sensations: 1º the relaxing that without forcing things, 2º the magical energy between two people and 3º you know it's the right person when for the first time you see the eyes. That's what my grandmother called "magic" (what we now call it fashionable"feeling") But if you wait and finally decide to start a relationship with someone you don’t feel what is spent in this moment of solitude in the end you end up going into the first relationship that comes, and most likely will not work and you continue to experience periods of loneliness and suffering with disappointment until you learn this important lesson. Something I really like to think that being alone is actually not have to mean being lonely. And to be with someone don’t have to mean being happy. Some things can be really emotional things, spending time with friends, enjoy a new hobby, read books you've been waiting to read entire life, having power to control your TV and watch whatever you want whenever you want to see , have more quality time with your family or those who want ... or just do whatever you want, because while you are single and hoping to enjoy a real love without feeling the need to fill the loneliness We all know that once again appears that this special person going to do less of these things anyway, and the alone time is reduced and the increasing the share time is that you do many things with your partner. It’s also true that many people find that they enjoy being alone, as long as you keep busy with things that are important to them. Finally yesterday I have a good chat with a darling friend and theater director and we’d have concluded that the true antidote to loneliness is communication and relationship skills. To escape the isolation that produce computers, the responsabilities, past frustrations, and overall laziness of recognizing that we do not want to be alone, but we do not know how to solve it is necessary to contact, first with ourselves and then with others: environment labor, family, friends and even people you just crossed four words for bread. Because despite the statistics determined that loneliness into a social phenomenon of our times, it really does not cease to be an intimate and personal problem for the generalized solutions that do not fit. And maybe if we accept that loneliness will not leave us never completely, but it is good to know that we can learn to manage and, what is perhaps more important, learn to live with it, perhaps just at that moment ... we look the other thing I described my grandmother when I spoke of the magic ... Lorena